Watch and Learn, Girls
by Sepetyra Navi
Summary: JeffxTonyxMr.SaturnxDusterxNessxSkaMusicxClausxDr.AndonutsxDr.MarioxPooxFrankxCapt.StrongxDadx KingxPorkyxFlyingManxGigyasxSerpentPandaxWolfxFox Yes, there is minor shipping... Deal with it.
1. Chapter 1

Sforzando of Picturesqueness

Watch and Learn, Girls

JeffxTonyxMr.SaturnxDusterxNessxSkaMusicxClausxDr.AndonutsxDr.MarioxPooxFrankxCapt.StrongxDadxKingxPorkyxFlyingManxGigyasxSerpentPandaxWolfxFox Yes, there is minor shipping... Deal with it.

Hi, it's me! Yes, me, Sepetyra Navi! Yup, that avid reviewer. WHAT? I haven't reviewed _you_ yet? Okay, fine. Now, taste my awesome fanfiction prowess in this epic yaoi fiasco. As stated in my summary, this is a

"JeffxTonyxMr.SaturnxDusterxNessxSkaMusicxClausxDr.AndonutsxDr.MarioxPooxFrankxCapt.StrongxDadxKingxPorkyxFlyingManxGigyasxSerpentPandaxWolfxFox"

fanfiction. It's got nineteen dudes and a music genre for your reading/listening pleasure...You sick perv! I will break the "Well-Written Yaoi Rule" as set up by the yaoi gods of old. I will introduce, make use of, and dispose of characters at will. Yes, sorry, but it must be done...And I'm not sure if I can get away with calling some of the later chapters as 'rated T.' So now, enjoy this tasty sausage-fest.

Jeff sat at his desk, playing Adventure Quest on his computer by the light of the monitor. He was so into his actions that he didn't notice Tony walk in, lustfully gazing at his special friend. It is common knowledge to all the boys at Snow Wood Boarding House that Tony is a unique individual. Unique is a very light term for what they were really thinking...Presently, however, Tony walked into their room with that lustful gaze. He wrapped his arms around his roommate's chest and leaned into him.

Jeff, unfazed by Tony's inappropriateness, continued to play his game, lost in the epic world of Adventure Quest.

"Jeff...Jeff, are you still playing that silly game?" Tony asked in a low whisper into Jeff's ear.

The boy without psychic powers put his game on pause for a moment to look up a Tony.

"Are you insinuating that we...?" he asked, blushing.

"You read me like a book, Jeffy," Tony said. He released Jeff and took a few seductive steps back toward the bed. Jeff got to his feet and adjusted his bow-tie.

"I...can't do this...Not now," Jeff said, turning toward the door.

"What? Why not?"

Jeff showed a small grin on his face as he stared at the ceiling. "My heart...is already in use..."

"That was awkwardly phrased,"

"My whole life is awkward!!" Jeff screamed, sprinting out of the room in tears. He did not stop until he made it outside where he saw a small snowy lump waiting outside the gates. Jeff approached it, trying desperately to dry his tears.

"You-you came..." Jeff muttered with a crack in his voice.

"Mr. Saturn always here, boing," the little creature replied, shaking the snow off of his head/body.

Jeff placed his hands on the icy bars of the gate, the freezing steel separating him from love. Getting down on one knee, he reached out and palmed the large nose of Mr. Saturn, caressing it with passion.

"Me feel you, zoom."

"And I you, my love...Promise you'll always come back for me..."

"Kay-o,"

"Are you sure?"

"I do what I say. Cross heart."

Jeff sighed with a deep-set passion. His hormones and the rest of his body jumped when he heard a voice behind him.

"So here you are, son," it said.

Jeff turned around like he was hiding something. "Dad?" he asked hysterically.

"I just got through...um, talking...with your friend Tony back there...So now I'm moving on out to see how you are." Dr. Andonuts said. He had his hands behind his back, giving him and aura of suspicious.

"How did you even get in here?!"

"Love does crazy things, son..."

"That was phrased incorrectly, dad..."

"It runs in the family..." Dr. Andonuts suddenly pinned his son up against the back of the gate. He slid a hand in his coat and felt around, "As does the blood of my sister, your mother..."

"Mr. Saturn!! Help me!!" Jeff cried as his father began to do things that would beget me an M rating.

"Ding."

Meanwhile, across many waters, a lowly fat kid named Porky rubbed his hand quickly back and forth across the back end of a telephone. After Porky's fatness caught up to him and he stopped from exhaustion, the phone rang. He picked it up and asked through labored breaths, "Did you like it?"

"It was great. Well, exp to get to the next level, Porky...69. I have created a record of your adventure to this point."

"Continue," Porky muttered.

"Porky, you like to work hard, just like your mother. But I don't think it's good to work too hard. (Click! Beep-beep-beep...)

Porky slammed the phone back down on the receiver and collapsed down on the couch, sweat emitting from every pore.

In walked King after these events transpired. He walked around the couch for awhile, finally deciding to jump up on it and give Porky a strange glare.

"Is there something you need?" Porky asked.

King, unable to hold back his emotions, let loose a flurry of passionate licks upon Porky's feet. The fat kid began to act more disgusting than I care to write about, so the entire scene was undesirable. Cue Frank's entrance. He, being an awkward old guy, joined the feet-licking party. Porky soon exploded in more ways than one.

Deep in the Lylat system, a lone Arwing jetted through the stars. In it sat Fox, and somehow, Wolf, both crammed in shoulder to shoulder in the small craft.

"So I got a question..." Wolf began, "How is it that we aren't speeding up?"

"What?" Fox asked, not taking his eyes off the vast space before him.

"You got them jets things on back there. Because we're in space, we should continually speed up...Why aren't we?"

"That doesn't make sense."

"Does too, retard. And now, the only way to stop would be to jet in the opposite direction for a time equal to how long we are traveling now. At that rate, we're gonna pass the next rest stop ten times over."

"No, see, when I turn the jets off, we'll automatically slow down," Fox said, reaching for the switch. He flipped it and the jets shut off, but the Arwing's speedometer did not fall.

"Told you," Wolf said, turning away.

"This means nothing! I mean, it's never happened down on the planets I have crazy dogfights on!"

"Probably cuz those planets have wind-resistance! This is space, dumb-ass!"

"Hey now, that was uncalled for!"

"You're just such a retarded little son of a--"

The two paused and stared at each other. Suddenly, they fell into each other's arms and began to viciously make out, letting their tongues lead the way.

To their surprise, another Arwing flew up next to them. Piloting said Arwing was my master, Serpent Panda, who is too young to have a license. He watched the two animals for awhile, and then nodded, knowing all is well in the land of furries. He flew off into the distance, owning the land of middle school with his success. (HA HA, master I just included you in a story...how weird that I decided to do that!)

Back the land of games that I've actually played, Ness and Flying Man redundantly swung on the swings late one evening. Ness has always felt very close to Flying Man. The human-like toucan had such a beautiful singing voice that attracted all of the other male characters, but Flying Man only sang for Ness, always beginning his songs with, "Ness, I am your courage." As the two moved like pendulums through the air, Flying Man began:

"sekai no hashi made todoku koe yori

kimi ni dake tsutae tai dake

rukugen no san FURETT kizamu MY GUITAR

kokoro dake huruwa setai dake

yureru komaku haseru kotoba

urei tomadoi kokoni suteru

yokubetsu na sainou whoa

nani hitotsu motazutomo

kokoro ima kokode kaki arasu whoa! Whoa.

kimi ga nageku

mure ga itande

subete tsu-tsu mu eien no seimei

boku wa sakebu

yoakeno ame

koko de hibiku eien no seimei

tokubetsuna saino whao!

nani hitotsu motazutomo

kimi no tojiru yamiwo uchinoku

dekiru nara kokoro, whoa sorehitotsu

kono mune no oku wo ima kokode kaki narasu whao! whoa. Whoa."

By the end of it, Ness could not stop crying. Nor could Flying Man...Swinging in unison, the two began to hold hands. But soon, they began to move out of unison, so holding hands became difficult. Nonetheless, there was totally yoai there. All of a sudden, ska music could be heard.

(Sigh) I think both writing after midnight and writing two second yaoi clips pulled me away from my usual abilities...which, of course, makes me sound like suck and makes my grammars fail.


	2. Chapter 2

Um, I got requests to update this quickly, but I hope this doesn't seem rushed. One can only handle so much boy love, you know what I'm talking about? (Sigh) All right, let's do this...

Jeff hobbled back into his room and shut the door behind him. He then slumped down against it with his hands over his ears. Will what his father just did to him scar his brain forever? Sitting hurt a little too much, so he got up. Slowly making his way to the shower, he saw that the door was closed. Perhaps Tony was in there? Something compelled Jeff to open the door anyway and, lo and behold, Tony stood there in a Speedo thrusting his pelvis into the emptiness before him, just as Jeff expected.

Tony looked back and blushed. He was caught in the act of 'practicing', something forbidden among the boys at Snow Wood Boarding House.

"Jeff?" he asked, embarrassed, "You've returned?"

Jeff said nothing, but instead stood there. Then, a tear was seen rolling down his cheek and he flung himself in the arms of Tony.

"Whoa, what's wrong?" Tony asked.

"My...father...raped me!" Jeff cried through gasps.

Tony was silent as he contemplated what his friend had just said, but then he opened his mouth and whispered, "So?"

Jeff looked back up at Tony with a confused and disgusted look.

"He raped me too, but I sucked it up like a man and took it. And I'm usually the dominant top..." Tony added, looking off into space.

Jeff released Tony and took a few steps back. "How could you say that? ...I thought I was the dominant top!!"

The two stared at each other for a second, then began to make out with extreme boyish passion.

Mr. Saturn stood in the open doorway as a tear fell from his eye.

Porky was still exhausted an hour after Frank and King left. He managed to regain control over his bodily fluids, but could not muster the strength to clean up after himself. (EW! That's disgusting...What makes it even worse is what's about to happen...This could so be M rated...)

At that moment, Duster walked in and gave the boy an odd look.

Porky wanted to get up and run away, because his nastiness was lying all over the couch, but he was too overweight to move.

"I heard from a telephone that you got strong hands," Duster began, "I want you to rub my guns while I order a pizza."

Porky titled his head at this obscure request. But Duster got down on his knees and ripped off his shirt. Grabbing a phone, he began to flex.

Porky managed to sit up and feel Duster's scrawny arms. Porky soon began to slide his hand back and forth across Duster's right bicep as the dude held the phone to his ear in the other hand.

"Ohh...Is this Mach Pizza? Ohh, yeah..." Duster said into the phone. He could hardly restrain himself. "I neeeeeed a big pizza...Full of tasty meat and...OH! Yes, yes, I need meat on my pie, oh, yes. And could I get it with ancho--" Duster was having trouble finishing his word with Porky jacking his arm off with such intensity. "Ancho...ANCHOVIES OH YES!" He and Porky both moaned in unison as Duster dropped the phone causing the girl on the other end to call the cops.

Claus was walking home from school when he heard some crazy Japanese lyrics coming from over a fence. He hoped up and peeked over the edge to see Ness, Flying Man, Poo, and Capt. Strong doing the Hara Hara Yukai. The four were so good in fact, that Claus thought he was watching Haruhi Suzumia. His eyes were closely watching Capt. Strong, who was dancing in place of Haruhi herself. Young Claus had once seen Capt. Strong dance in the club next door. He seduced Claus with some crazy moves he called the Super Ultra Mambo Foxtrot, or something to that extent. Without realizing it, Claus slipped his hand into his pocket and fiddled around while he eyed the man. Then Claus took out his GameBoy and played Hamtaro.

"Working too hard, were you, Jeff?" Dr. Mario asked, reading over his clipboard.

"Yes, I...fell down..." Jeff muttered.

"On your rectum?"

"...Yes. I fell down on my rectum. Is that so strange?"

"No, it's just that, in all other cases where I've seen this sort of tear, it's usually because of--"

"SEX? NOPE, I HAVN'T, BUT THANKS FOR ASKING!" Jeff shouted in defense.

"I was going to say football, but that's pretty close..." Dr. Mario said, making his way over to the boy, "So, you like football?"

"Um, sure, I guess..."

Dr. Mario grinned as he took out a large pill from his jacket. "Let's use this as a football and play a bit, shall we?"

"But my ass--"

"--Will be mine. Now, let's play."

The two set up and began, but Dr. Mario immediately tackled Jeff and ripped off his pants. Then he took the over sized pill and put it where one would expect at this point. Poor Jeff...Suddenly, ska music could be heard.

"AH!! Why?!" Jeff exclaimed over the music.

"Because it'll heal you, of course. Now go home and don't play any more football for a few weeks."

"A few weeks without se—I mean football?! Tony won't like that..."

Dr. Mario took out his card and handed it to Jeff. "Here, give him this. If he wants to play some _real_ football, have him give me a call. I'll rock his shit."

Jeff took the card and stared at it. His hormones yet again went crazy and he waddled out with his pants around his ankles.

GOD! This just makes me feel all nasty, you know? But why have I not mentioned Gigyas yet? Because, he's going to do something special, that's why.


End file.
